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22
Jul
29
Obama’s Origins Revealed!
hossvarad | 
Idjit-Prop, In the News?, Lifestyles for Lemmings, Politi-Speak | 
07 29th, 2010| 
No Comments »
hossvarad | Idjit-Prop, In the News?, Lifestyles for Lemmings, Politi-Speak | 07 29th, 2010| No Comments »
NEW YORK, NEW YORK – Today, in a candid interview with the high-heeled linebacker club known collectively as the cast of The View, President Barack Hussein Obama showed his slightly less feminine side as he joked, cavorted, and cracked wise during the program’s taping today.
When asked difficult questions about his racial background, Obama seemed flustered for a bit before he responded that blacks were a mongrel people–a statement that was sure to warm the cockles of every African-American’s heart from sea to shining sea.
“So I guess, in a way, you could say, I’m a mongrel, too,” said Obama sheepishly. “I’m a Mongrolian.”
Despite the boost of estrogen provided to the show by the president’s appearance there, these comments and others seemed to have stirred up more controversy for the increasingly unpopular president. Perhaps he’ll do better when he insults other ethnic groups at his upcoming guest judge spot on Iron Chef America.
“I know I’ll be safer there,” said Barack Hussein after today’s taping. “Michelle doesn’t like cooking shows.”
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May
23
Apr
22
TEHRAN, IRAN – The most exalted President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, leader of the tiny nation of Iran, announced this week that his country’s nuclear arsenal was well underway. Having purchased outmoded spare delivery systems secretly from the former Soviet Union, the Islamic Republic has gleefully intoned that they will soon have an atomic missile capable of reaching the United States by 2015. This would make it the: Slowest. Missile. Ever.
When confronted with this ominous news, the United States’ Muslim Sympathizer in Chief, President Barack Hussein Siddiqui Al-Moukhtar Obama, downplayed the threat, stating “Our policy of doing nothing about emergent rogue atomic states will remain in place. After all, by the time that really slow missile from Iran gets here, you could just move out of its way. Problem solved. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get to the links. Tee off is in fifteen minutes.”
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Oct
27
Here, former GOP ubergoober Mike Huckabee pauses from his heavy television schedule to suck down a few burgers before retaking the airwaves. Hucka-BEE!!
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Oct
18
Who’s Ratting Out the Rats?
hossvarad | Idjit-Prop, In the News?, Politi-Speak, Pulp Culture, Whirled Events | 10 18th, 2009| No Comments »
hossvarad | Idjit-Prop, In the News?, Politi-Speak, Pulp Culture, Whirled Events | 10 18th, 2009| No Comments »
LONDON, ENGLAND – Today, in an impassioned plea to the citizens of the once-great United Kingdom, Prime Minister Gordon Brown made his case for shoring up the country’s flagging system of informants which has become increasingly less reliable in recent weeks. In a message carried by ITV and two or three select BBC channels, Mr. Brown donned his “Ratty’ costume taken from the set of Toad of Toad Hall, and made several squeaking sounds before beginning his pitch in earnest.
“It has become obvious to me over the past several days that our intricately-woven system of informants has been providing insufficient or totally unreliable information to the Parliament,” said Mr. Brown. “Apparently, these hand-selected snitches tend to slack off a bit when they aren’t being watched themselves. So, it is my great pleasure to announce a new level of bureaucracy to keep tabs on our previously helpful squads of domestic spies. These new agents will inform me and the Labour government when our lackeys aren’t snitching enough or when they’re just plain wrong. In this way, we will have rats who will rat on the rats. Ingenious, don’t you think?”
When asked who would keep tabs on the newly-established tab-keeping bureau’s members, Mr. Brown declined to comment, but mentioned there was a large body of water we could jump into somewhere nearby.
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Sep
22
The dangers of slapping John McCain on the back became evident quickly. Anyone got a dolly?
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Aug
27
BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS – Long-time Democrat Congresscritter Barney Frank has been tapped by Warner Brothers Studios to be the new voice of Elmer Fudd in their upcoming biopic of the famous cartoon hunter called Elmer Fudd: The Weckoning. The film, which will explain the complex, involved backstory of the seemingly simple, much-beloved cartoon character–including his long-secret struggle with drug and alcohol addiction–seemed a perfect fit for Rep. Frank, who has often been accused of talking a lot like Fudd.
“I fink it wuff a natuwal fit,” said Bawney Fwank in a recent interview with Politics & Film Quarterly. “I have always had the gweatest wespect for Mr. Fudd and his welentless effots to shoot that wascaly wabbit. I hate wabbits.”
The film is set to begin pre-production in October and should be in theaters in time for the 2010 Elmer Fudd Festival in Twin Falls, Idaho. Representative Fudd Frank said he is looking forward to voicing the iconic character and plans to attend the premiere in Idaho next year.
“Except foh their voting habits, I’ve alway wiked Idaho. The shape of the state reminds me of a home-based business I used to wun.”
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Jul
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May
21
DETROIT, MICHIGAN – Today, U. S. Presidential candidate Barack Hussein Obama was enthusiastically endorsed by several Dervish civil rights groups, including the National Scimitar Wielders’ Association and the Twin Turban Society. Mr. Obama graciously accepted the endorsement by donning traditional Dervish attire and participating in traditional twirling attacks while hollering and brandishing his ceremonial scimitar.
“A lot of conservatives have said that this was a negative hit piece sponsored by the Clinton campaign,” said Rafid Abdullah of the Twin Turban Society. “That’s just a lot of spin if you ask me. We took these pictures of Senator Obama to show his solidarity with Sufi Muslim ascetic religious practice. It also shows that he looks totally righteous in our traditional garb.”
Mr. Obama is currently preparing to accept endorsements from other prominent groups, such as Soka Gakkai International, the House of Yahweh, and the International Society for Krishna Consciousness (ISKCON).
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May
14
Sacred Burial Grounds Sought at 2008 GOP Convention
Leaders at the RNC today announced that they will be actively looking for larger plots of land to bury their increasingly-irrelevant and aging candidates. Several possible sites in Arizona are currently being evaluated for suitability. Elephant burial rituals to follow. Developing…
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May
8
Here we see the benevolent and merciful Senator Hillary Clinton, taking a moment to gently explain the rationale for her socialist dogma to a six-year-old girl nearby. As usual, she says it with dignity and aplomb.
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Apr
30
In an effort to soften up her image, Hillary shows the American voters her more “feminine side” in a new series of advertisements. With compassion for the children and old folks high on her agenda, the new makeover will certainly be making some waves. You go, girl!
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Apr
23
Here, President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad schmoozes with the Iranian press corps during one of his famous impromptu stand-up comedy routines. He’s planning an appearance at the United Nations in New York City later this year and is currently organizing a tour of a lot of little crappy countries in the Middle East, Africa, and parts of Central Asia. Just call him “Schecky”!
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