WASHINGTON, DC – White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs has hit upon hard times. His stand-up nights held at White House press gatherings used to be a jovial affair, with Gibbs cracking jokes about how stupid all those working people were and dodging direct questions with sophomoric asides and distractions. However, with the tough times befalling the country and the Democrat Party in particular, a lot of the press “corpse” have ceased to giggle and titter at Gibbs every quip and mispronunciation.
Now, the Peter Griffin look-alike spends most of his days hiding from the press under President Barack Hussein Ali Ackbar Obama’s bed.
“Is it just me or is it dead in here?” said Gibbs, scanning the room for any hint of amusement on the faces of the gathered reporters. “But, seriously, folks. What is it with those bitter clingers, huh? I mean, they’re voting for Republicans and stuff! Can you believe it? Heh heh heh… Something, something Teabaggers! Get it? Teabaggers! Hah hah…. Um. Yeah.”
The chorus of chirping crickets voiced their disapproval of Gibbs’ aging routine as the disgruntled press filed out of the room, muttering to themselves and scratching their heads in disbelief.
“I don’t get it,” said Gibbs, coming off stage, a crease of worry bifurcating his flabby brow. “That material left ‘em rolling in the aisles ten months ago. NOW, I can’t even get Helen Thomas to smile. If she ever did, that is….”
In order to deal with this impending public relations crisis, however, the White House has commissioned a new Comedy Czar to write fresh, humorous material for Gibbs and prehaps supply some Carrot-Top-style props for him to play with on stage. Top strategists, however, are unconvinced the move will bear good results, fearing that Gibbs may just not be that funny any more.
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