LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA – Cash-strapped Los Angeles is pulling out all the stops to raise a little money. Since their city bureaucracies have become a transmogrified visage of responsible governance over the past half century, the Los Angeles City Council(tm) along with its low-calorie, organic counterpart, the Los Angeles City Council Lite(tm) have mandated an unprecedented crackdown on all things unlicensed within their jurisdiction.
The city government of LA have agreed to have two separate groups of public-funded busybodies snoop into the everyday affairs of its victims citizens, looking for dogs without licenses, non-union plumbers, unattended Confidential Informants for the police department, non-certified sandwich artists at Subway restaurants–the works. According to the city’s own ordinances, everyone that owns something or does something in Los Angeles needs to pay a $15 fine to the city to be “authorized”.
For example, Council President Eric Garcetti (no, that’s not a pasta dish) estimates two-thirds of the city’s dogs are unlicensed. Of course, his estimation has often been held in little regard by the other council members, like Ki-Adi Mundi, Plo Koon, and Mace Windu, who consider Garcetti a man with anger issues that might quickly be lead to the Dark Side of the Force(tm).
However, if the city could just get all dogs licensed, projections indicate the greedy, bloated, omnipresent government would scrape together at least an additional $3.6 million in fees. This amount could keep the City Council’s air conditioners running for another six to eight hours this June, when the weather in California is hotter than, say, January. The cost of rounding up all the dogs is estimated to be around $12.3 million.
Interesting Factoid: As a curious and irrelevant aside, the Department of Animal Services in Los Angeles has eight full-time people, six half-time people, and three half-people, whose job is to find and license dogs. They don’t actually service the animals, which is common misconception, by the way. Anyway, if they all left LA on a train, traveling west into the Pacific Ocean at seven hundred miles per hour, who would get the TV rights? OK. Factoid over.
Further, the City Council has agreed to create further bureaucracies, each operating at a dead loss, to track down, harass, and extort money from otherwise law-abiding Angelinos. By the time the effort is complete, the city will be another $300 million further in debt, but at least all those fees will be paid. Ain’t California great, kids?
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