PARIS, FRANCE – In a controversial move that only offended some, the French parliament approved a measure that would ban Cobra Commander impersonators from the country. The French senate is expected to vote on the measure in September where it may very well become law, making the tiny island nation the world’s first to openly flout the will of Cobra*.
The ban was proposed because French citizens were being accosted on the street by would-be Cobra Commanders, screeching “You fools!” in a raspy, high-pitched voice. The unnerving effect of these impromptu impersonations was causing civil unrest, leading some to burn automobiles and smash in shop windows in certain areas of the country’s capital city. Other Frenchmen reported these incidents were so jarring that it was hard for them to complete their rigorous seventeen hour work week.
As a result, the French parliament acted quickly, approving a ban that includes not only the Cobra Commander Hood, but also the classic Battle Helmet, and as-yet unreleased Underwater Sea Rescue garb. President Emmanuel Macron has promised similar measures to ban costumes or other modes of dress that closely mirror the looks of the Baroness, Zartan, Major Bludd, and Destro, in an effort to free France from those who spent too much time watching old cartoons in the 1980s.
*Cobra is a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world, or so we have heard.