Unlikely Stories

Kim Jong-un

Kim Jong-un Reveals Approved Nicknames Book on Late Night Infomercial

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA – Recently, the Chinese government in Peking banned the use of the term “Fatty” to refer to the North Korean dictator.  Deeming the term to be disrespectful, the Chinese Communists also said that their puppet ruler north of the 38th parallel should not be called any number of weight-enhanced monikers, including, but not limited to: “Chunko”, “El Gordo”, “Lardy”, “Fats”, “Megaflabs”, “Jong-un the Rotund”, and so forth. Given the fact that the prepubescent world leader would probably freak out and nuke China in a confused rage, this was probably more of a preemptive self-defense move on China’s part than an act of state censorship.  Following the lead of his more capable and socially-acceptable fellow travelers, the imperious leader decided to be more proactive, creating a book of “approved nicknames” that the North Koreans and the international community are allowed to use in reference to His Doughy Dudeness. Included in the citizens’ manual entitled Kim Jong-un: Fit to Rule – What You May or May Not Say in Reference To Dear Leader are his many official titles, such as “Marshal of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea”, “First Chairman of the National Defense Commission”, “First Secretary of the…

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